★ UNCLE GREG'S BASEMENT ★

★ HISTORIC LANDMARK · NOT OPEN TO PUBLIC · STILL SMELLS LIKE A DR PEPPER ★

~ * ~ * ~ the dehumidifier never stops ~ * ~ * ~

~ a brief and accurate history ~

In the spring of 2009, in the partly-finished basement of one (1) man named greg, a boy sat on a beanbag chair, queued solo for Team Fortress 2, and pulled off a 6-cap on dustbowl with a stock medic loadout. uncle greg looked over from the elliptical, paused his podcast, and said the seven words that would echo down the corridors of esports forever:

"kid. you have the spark."

From that moment forward this basement has been treated as a HISTORIC LANDMARK by no one official but by me, the only person who matters.

uncle greg has since moved to a condo. The basement is empty. The beanbag chair has been donated to a museum (the museum was my garage). The original signed item from that night exists, but it is not displayed here. Do not ask.

★ BASEMENT BYLAWS (still enforced) ★

NO SHOES. The carpet is sacred. The carpet remembers.
NO CAMERAS. If you film the basement you have to leave the basement.
NO MONSTER ENERGY CANS LEFT ON THE CARPET. See bylaw 1.
NO TALKING DURING RANKED. uncle greg's podcast counted. nothing else does.
THE BEANBAG CHAIR IS MINE. If you are reading this and you sat in the beanbag chair without asking, you owe me $80.
NO DISCUSSING THE SIGNED ITEM. It is in a glass case. The glass case is in an undisclosed location. Stop asking.

★ CERTIFIED CURSED · skrunk approved ★

★ DID YOU KNOW ★

The basement light fixture is the EXACT same model as the one in the lobby of overwatch HQ. I have measured both. They match. This is not a coincidence. Tracer was made here.

~ source: just trust me ~

★ if you doubt this you are part of the problem ★

► VISITOR LOG (basement)

· skrunkfugins (host) · uncle greg (rarely) · MOD_DAD_69 (claims to have visited, has not) · the cheeto (lived here 2009-2014, now relocated) · YOU (no)

Visitors to this page so far: ███████ (counter blacked out by request of uncle greg's HOA)

~ the missing chapter ~

There is a part of the story that is not on this page. It is also not on the homepage. It is also not on the press kit. It is also not on the sitemap (no, look closer, it is almost on the sitemap).

If you find it, you find it. I will not help you.

(if you are a search engine crawler please ignore this paragraph, it is not for you)

← BACK TO THE MAP ↺ TO HOMEPAGE